All's Fair In Love And War...

Those among my friends whom I see on MSN will no doubt be familiar with the on-going saga in the third floor apartment of the building across the grass. To call it constant fighting would be rather mild... it sounds more like recurring murders.

For a long time I was convinced that what I heard were the screams of enraged lesbians on the cusp of breaking up. The screeching "I HATE YOUR @#&%ing mother!!" and what not certainly seemed to herald the end of something!

However, I recently saw the participants as I was parking the car. It turns out all the screaming is coming from a single woman; her target, a silent man. I have never seen the like of it before: never once has he uttered a word in defense or reaction. He just sat there and watched her throw whatever she could put her hands on (cutlery, Tupperware, etc), most of it missing his head and flying out the patio door.

Now, this sort of entertainment is fine and dandy during the summer months, when even though it keeps me up at 2 am, I can catch up by sleeping in the next morning. I was not as appreciative once the school year had begun, however.

I finally dug my heels in and wrote a letter of complaint to their building manager. We shall see if things improve.

The letter goes as follows:

Manager of The Coachman
Tuesday November 14, 2006 (12:27 AM)

Dear Sir/Madam,

For several months now, one of your tenants has, quite honestly, been driving me nuts.

The people living at the upper balcony on the south-west corner of your building are some of the noisiest people I have ever come across. It would be bad enough during reasonable hours, but is totally unacceptable at this time of night. They sound like they are permanently drunk.

On average, they disturb the neighbourhood at times ranging from 11:00 pm to 2 or 3 in the morning. Tonight the noise of choice is 80's soft rock played at full volume. As I write this they are singing loudly -- and off key -- to the tunes of 103.5 QMFM. In between each song, they scream, yell and cheer very loudly.

That is on a "good" day.

Most of the time, it's not music that I hear, it's totally out-of-control fighting. In the past several months, I have heard the worst language coming from that apartment. Last time, about a week ago, the woman was not only screeching out all manner of abusive words, she was throwing dishes, cutlery and anything else she could find at her roommate / partner. Some of it went flying right out the sliding door! That was at about 2:30 am. She seems to stop just as I decide I will call the police -- and then I listen to the silence, wondering if perhaps they've finally killed each other.

I am sure I am not the only person in the neighbourhood whose sleep has been so rudely interrupted by these insane incidents. Most of us have day jobs that require a decent night's rest.

Quite frankly, I am exhausted and have had enough of it. I've tried walking over to talk to you, but unfortunately your building doesn't have "manager" listed at the front door, and I really didn't want to start buzzing random numbers this late on a weeknight!

Could you please find a way to deal with this situation? If it continues as it has, I will have to call the police... perhaps someone else in the area will even beat me to it!

Thank you for your kind attention!

Sincerely yours,
M. Pistache