Poisson d'avril!

Ah, April Fool's Day... traditionally a day when frazzled teachers have to cope with wild students brandishing shaving cream, whoopee cushions, and "kick me, I'm stupid!" signs taped to various parts of their backsides.

Not anymore. Teachers are getting their own back now.

I had planned to use the same ploy that had worked so well last year, but I never got to it, because a much, much better opportunity arose this morning...

At a staff meeting sometime in February, a few of us decided to organize an English speech contest. Not wanting it to be a boring replica of the yearly Concours d'art oratoire, we decided to mix it up a little, and call it Speakupalooza! To make sure the kids understood this was to be a fun event, we decided on April 1st as the official date.

Acceptable entries in the contest had to be original (ie: written by the students) and qualify as "performing arts"... song, skit, speach, dialogue, poetry, etc. Those who wanted to perform something else (dance, Monty Python skit, etc) could audition for the "half-time show" which would constitute the Intermission where any classes who had to leave half-way through could do so.

This morning, students arrive in class ready to play tricks on eachother, and looking forward to seeing the Speakupalooza finalists later in the afternoon. Becky, a young athlete who was going to a highland dancing performance during the intermission, came to give me her costume for safekeeping, and pranced back to her desk to begin the first problem on the board.

When I next looked up I saw that Sophie was shyly waiting to ask me a question. "Yes?" I smiled.

"Are we going to have school uniforms next year?" she asked nervously. "Not that I've heard" I replied, wondering where she'd gotten that one. "Is there any one you could ask? Maia says her dad told her that all the schools in Vancouver are going to have uniforms next year."

I tried not to smile, secretly delighted that Maia was stretching her fledgling humour muscles, and told Sophie not to worry, that I'd check with the Principal when I went up to bring the attendance to the office. After all, I didn't want to ruin Maia's little joke.

Up in the office, I looked for the Principal to share the anecdote, but he was nowhere to be found. On my way back down the stairs, inspiration hit.

"Sophie, I don't know how Maia's dad found out about this, because I only just got informed, and he's right!"

Immediately the rest of the class clamoured "What? What? Tell us what?"

"Well, it seems that the Vancouver School Board has decided that starting next year, school uniforms will be mandatory."

"WHAT?!"

"I just checked at the office, and it's true."

"NOOOO!" "I don't believe it!" "I can't wear a uniform! They're horrible" screamed my fashion-conscious Bianca.

"Hey listen, guys, you'll get used to the idea... it's not until next year. Besides, they're not that ugly, look!" And I brandished Becky's dance costume, with multicoloured plaid skirt, matching striped knee socks, ruffly white German lace blouse and wine-red velvet vest.

Becky started, surprised, and then called out "no no no, that's my dance costume!" but her voice went unnoticed amidst the shouts of horror. "Becky, come here for a sec," I called. "This looks about your size, why don't you go put it on and model it for the class, so they can see how cute it is." By then she'd caught on and went grinning to the bathroom to don the dress, while I fielded anxious questions about the scheme.

"What will the boys have to wear?"

"Well they didn't have the sample ready for the boys yet, but I've seen the designs. They're great: they match! You see the red velvet vest Becky has on? They'll have short pants with an elastic cuff at the knees, and white shirts with a bit less ruffle, but not too boring either."

"What about Gym? We can't go playing sports in those!"

"Oh don't worry about that, they have little red velvet shorts for P.E. Oh you guys are going to look so cute!"

That was the last straw for Bianca, she started to wail that it was wrong - wrong! - to make people wear such un-cool clothes. I consoled her, reminding the class that they would be able to choose their own shoes, as long as they were black.

I was saved from falling apart in helpless laughter by the recess bell.

After recess, I sternly told the students that no matter how they felt about the news, the math lesson had to go on. I had assumed that their friends would have set them straight, but apparently it was the other way around. I found out later that every teacher they accosted immediately confirmed the story with a straight face.

I had planned to tell them the truth just before lunch, but lo and behold, it was our turn to deliver the pizzas for pizza day, and we all had to report to the activity room. Just before leaving, I had one of the pizza moms come in to tell the class that because of an error with the pizza delivery, we had 20 minutes to make cucumber sandwiches for the whole school.

"Yeah, right! We know it's an April Fool's joke," they exclaimed laughingly. By an amazing coincidence, however, the pizza delivery was delayed, and suddenly they weren't so sure! However, their anxiety on that score was relieved as soon as the pizzas did arrive.

This of course led them to believe that that was my joke for the day, and therefore the uniform business was most definitely true.

At lunch the secretary came into the staff room demanding to know why half the school was coming to bug her about uniforms! Realizing that I had forgotten to end that joke, and that it had clearly gone way out of control, I went to find Bianca to tell her (the fastest way to spread the news). I found her in the stairwell...

"A joke! It was a joke! AAAAAH!!! I cried for you!" She laughed, and skipped off to tell her friends, while I went back to my lunch, well satisfied with my success!