April's Fools

Well, April Fool's Day may be one of the worst nightmares for teachers (other than Hallowe'en), but I got a little of my own back today. While I have 22 students in my Grade 5 class when everyone is here, I had only 14 present this afternoon due to a choir field trip. Nevertheless, I told them that we still had to write the Reading Comprehension Exam as noted on the day's schedule, because a friend of mine doing research on children's reading abilities needed to have the results ASAP. Then, with no further ado, I handed out the exam paper (below) explaining that since it was not testing their academic knowledge, but their ability to read and follow directions, it would also count as part of their grade in Personal Planning. 

Serves them right for all the "kick me" and "kiss me" signs they tried to stick to my backside! 

I've included some anecdotes about their reactions, after the "exam" below. 

Enjoy! 

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Reading Comprehension Exam

The purpose of this exercise is to test your reading comprehension skills, and your ability to follow directions. Read all questions carefully before you begin. You have 30 minutes to complete this exam.

1. Write your name, and today’s date, on the top of each page.
2. Imagine that you are skydiving. On the back of this page, draw a portrait of yourself just as you realize that you have forgotten to bring along your parachute. Include a caption text detailing your last thoughts moments before you hit the ground.
3. On a blank sheet of lined paper, write a 300-word biography about one of your parents. Be sure to include the following information:
   • Full name and date of birth
   • Location where he/she grew up
   • At least three famous/interesting people they’ve met
   • What you think they think of you
4. When you have reached this point, get up, stretch your legs, arms, and back, and yell out “Cockle-doodle-doo!” to clear your head.
5. You have 17 apples and 2 oranges to share with 21 other children, three of whom are allergic to apples. What fraction of fruit will each child have to eat, if you sneak out and eat one apple and a quarter of an orange in the cloakroom before you share with the class? Show all calculations on a separate page.
6. Select a book from the classroom library (in English). Translate page 37 into French. Then translate page 42 into the language of your choice. Bonus points will be given for languages using an alphabet different from our own. 
7. Write a love song. When it’s finished, get up and sing it.
8. Now that you have finished reading the questions, complete only numbers one and two. Turn your paper over, and put your head down on your desk without giving anything away to others!!

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I realized once they'd started that if I made then write 300 words before crowing, we'd never get to the end of it, so I told them that the 300 as a typo that should have read 30. You should have heard the sighs of relief! 

Out of the 14 students, I had 9 actually get up and crow, some timidly, others with gusto... the only reason the other 5 didn't call out was that they hadn't yet finished question 3 by the end of the period! When we ran out of time, only three kids had figured out the prank, after enough weird questions made them pause and start to wonder! 

Emma, who gets nervous around math questions, visibly balked at #5, and asked in a shaky voice "Do we have to do them in order?" 

Phillip came to my desk several times to ask me if (1) he really had to translate the pages into other languages, (2) he had to write a whole love song, since there were only 5 minutes left. To both questions I answered only "You have to follow the instructions." 

He was one of two students who actually went to get a book/magazine from the shelf to translate... which makes me wonder how on earth they managed to solve that convoluted math problem!! 

At my "time's up!" panic-stricken voices called out "but we're not done yet, can we finish tomorrow?" 

It wasn't until I read all the questions aloud (on the pretext that I wanted to make sure they all understood for tomorrow) that they figured out what was going on. 

I must say that I am very flattered that they take me so very seriously (I guess that's the end of that!). Andreas vowed never to trust me again, Kiara said she would try and put one up on her mom, and Jenna earnestly asked me how on earth I was able to keep a straight face for the entire 30 minute period! (Only with copious lip biting!)

 Ah, this is why I became a teacher!